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Premature Senescence

Premature Senescence

Klaus Schilling


iDon’t Own Zoey 101 or any other of the shows or works of arts used for this story. ‘
Science fiction, family, friendship, fluff
The story occurs in the identified universe of a huge variety of current or past live action shows produced for Nickelodeon channel, including, but not restricted to, Victorious, Zoey 101, The iCarly Show, Drake & Josh, How To Rock, Big Time Rush, Unfabulous, Neds Declassified School Survival Guide, True Jackson VP, Supah Ninjas, House Of Anubis, Just Jordan ... and makes heavy use of a variety of members of their casts.
Thorough familiarity with the episodes and main and side characters of Zoey 101, is desirable, but basically, everything necessary to know in order to be able to follow this story is found on the usual spoiler sites like Wikipedia.
The story takes off after the end of the canon of Zoey 101.
The canon of Drake & Josh, Unfabulous, and Neds Declassified School Survival Guide are also considered completed at that point.

The iCarly Show is in its early second season.
True Jackson VP are in early first season.
The Troop, Bigtime Rush, Victorious, Supah Ninjas, and htr have not yet started.
One of Quinn’s inventions turns out to cause unusually fast aging of the human organism.

Is it possible to find a countermedic before it is too late?


The story is written for LiveJournal-Community Tamingthemuse, prompt That which does not kill us makes us old and cranky before our time.


Chapter 1  Pilot

1.1  Senior Year

Sunrise at Malibu Beach ...

The campus of Pacific Coast Academy, the most renowned and elitary boarding school of Los Angeles County, was bathed in a flood golden morning light, making the night wither away like nobody’s business.

The school was opening its gates for yet another academic year.

This would be the last one for the seniors of Pacific Coast Academy, and so they would try to cherish every moment.

One of the senior girls was nerdy Quinn Pensky. Born in Seattle in the state of Washington, she had been at Pacific Coast Academy since her eighth grade, which happened to be the year in which the school had gone coeducative, after some long struggle. Thus she was one of the first female stuidents of this noble educational institution.

During her life at Pacific Coast Academy, Quinn had invented many extremely useful things, although usually not without side effects. Her discoveries spread fields as diverese as nuclear technology, medicine, genetic engineering, electronics, ... Actually there would have been too much to mention.

Unfortunately, Quinn Pensky had suffered a lot from hanging out with the wrong kids, boys and girls lacking her extreme endeavour for scientific progress both in theory and practice, especially with her unworthy boyfriend Logan Reese, a disgusting coxcomb whose father owned at least one third of Hollywood. She had been caught off guard by him after she had been trashed by her previous boyfriend, Mark del Figgalo, a really boring guy after all. This decadence had caused her to neglect her research activity for the sake of degenerating into a social butterfly. But Logan Reese was not the only cause of her mental downfall.

Her room mates Zoey Broopks and especially Lola Martinez had not been quite innocent there. They had become room mates two years ago. Before that point, Quinn had booked a single room, gicving her enough space to perform her exoperiments and ponder about her breathtaking theories.

Zoey was a blond Mary Sue from Louisiana,1 particularly gifted as a fashion designer, but also a caring elder sister for Dustin, younger by four years.

Gloria Victoria de la Vega y Martinez,2 commonly known as Lola, was a fledgling Hollywood stalet, dreaming of hitting the halls of fame of Hollywood at a fairly young age.

Quinn’s mental decay had resulted in a lot of half-baked inventions getting abandoned instead of improved and fixed. Some of them were more dangerous than others ...

1.2  101 Brenner Hall

Even for this year, Zoey, Lola, and Quinn were sharing a dormitory room at Pacific Coast Academy, videlicet 101 Brenner Hall. Thus Zoey and Lola would have spent their whole high school life in there.

Another thing that had not changed ever since was the dormitory adviser, chubby and messy Coco Wexler, a woman of thirty years stuck in a mutually abusive relationship with Coach Carl Bubba3 of the school’s baseball team. She was particularly addicted to sfat and spicy Italian food, such as ravioli.

But a few things had changed drastically:

Zoey Brooks was in a really stinky mood for several reasons.

One of them because Quinn had abused Dustin for very vile purposes. The coxcomb and the corrupted geek girl had tried to hide their blasphemic relationship even from their closest friends. In order to achieve this, they had hired fake prom dates. Quinn’s victim had been Dustin, while Logan’s had been one Stacey Dillsen, the most unpopular of the girls of their grade.

During the whole summer break, Dustin had been feeling very depressed for having been abused in such a shameless manner. Zoey had even taken him to Hawaii in order to relieve his emotional pains. She had been working there as a baywatch for Hotel Chambrolay.4 This should have been a sort of early honeymoon with her boyfriend Chase Bartholomew Matthews. But her worries about her little brother were too strong to leave him behind like that.

But even the lovely beach of Hawaii and hula girls trying to cheer up Dustin had not done the trick.

This academic yeear, Dustin would have to go to psychotherapy, and there was not yet a competent shrink at Pacific Coast Academy.

Zoey was thus rigged and ready to drop any contact with Quinn, although she had been one of the culprit for the geek girl’s decadence. The Mary Sue had already asked Coco for a new room, and the only choise appeared to be Stacey Dillsen. Zoey did not really like that girl, and thus she had tried to avoid the switch by waiting patiently for Quinn’s apology, but it was in vain. Now she got her belongings together again, after having spent an hour with arranging her dresses and tops in the appropriate closets, in order to move in with the unpopular girl. In addition, she had to ask Chase for forgivenness because their summer vacations had not been as expected.

Now it was all Lola and Quinn in this room.

The Hollywood starlet was arranging her cosmetic articles, while Quinn was sorting her test tubes. Unfortunately, neither of them were very careful.

Lola was whistling a merry tune while trying her brand new Cologne. She smiled while she inhaled the sweet scent of the liquid, imagining how much more attractive she would turn this way. Her good looks, outfits, and cosmetics were — at least so she guessed — the key to her career as an actress for a main rôle in a soap opera for young adults. What she had not noticed: She had not applied her Cologne, but one of Quinn’s experimental liquids.

Quinn was consternated when she noticed what Lola had done. “You have not incorporated my new elixir, have you?”

Lola stammered, “Incopulated? What?”

Quinn suspired. “Incorporated ... like ... sniffling or even drinking the stuff.”

Lola went pale. “If I had done such a thing ... what ... would it be ... supposed to do?”

Quinn replied, “I am working on an accelerater for the growth of cattle, in order to fight hunger in third world countries.”

Lola smiled. “Oh, it is only supposed to work for bulls and pigs?”

Quinn coughed. “I am afraid .... the substance would not outright kill you, but it will cause you to age prematurely. It has not yet been tested, so I can’t say how strong it is really.”

Lola went as pale as only possible. “If Quinn is right, I can forget about a career as a young adult star actress and switch to theatre for grandpas and grandmas.” Or so she thought to herself.

Zoey’s origin is mentioned in Zoey 101:L Robot Wars.
This identifies Lola Martinez from Zoey 101 with Tori Vega from Victorious.

More precisely, the canon of Victorious is understood as a dream of Lola, fancying an alternative live as a student at Hollywood School For The Professional Performance Arts.
Carl is a cameo from Zoey 101: Hot Dean, identified with “Body Slam” Bubba from Unfabulous: Best Trip Ever and an anonymous cameo of the same actor in Drake & Josh: The Demonator.
Zoey’s plans to do so are from Zoey 101: Chasing Zoey.

This document was translated from LATEX by HEVEA.